PESKY MEMORIES

'Reminisce: To indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events.'

And why, I put to you, wouldn't you want to do that? Seems like a lovely way to wile away the time. There is nothing like sitting with a group of friends with whom you have a history, and poring over past events with a few bottles of wine and whisky (to help spark the old memory jolter, of course). It only really becomes dangerous when you begin to live in your past - holding on to your memories so firmly that you fail to let them go and allow yourself a moment in the present. But, before I get too philosophical and Zen/Taoist on you guys, I need to admit to something: I LOVE to live in the past. Ok yes, the female race may be predisposed to indulge in nostalgic thought; I love to remember days gone by - even the really, really bad ones (especially the really, really bad ones). I sit for hours thinking about moments when I acted with passionate abandon, and about the times I held back in fear. I try not to analyse too closely and I certainly don't regret - I merely enjoy the pleasure of remembering. 

In Albert Camus' masterpiece 'The Outsider', Meursault is condemned to a pretty horrid existence in his small prison cell. He finds that he can pass the time by remembering the physical details of his bedroom. The process of remembering every single detail distracts Meursault sufficiently. Memory is a wonderful tool our brains are equipped with, however with it comes a certain level of attachment and burden. And, just as the future doesn't exist, neither does the past (it exists only in our memory) - so what can be done when you feel like you're living with your past, in your past. How do we let go, but not forget? The truth is, peeps, I have no idea. I sometimes wonder how I'm meant to know the difference between comfort and clarity - should I even try?! Comfort is sought out by us in many ways - through past relationships, photographs, the smell of dad's infallible bolognese, that CD you always listened to when you first fell in love....the list goes on. Clarity, however, is a little harder to pin down. At least for me. And she's always so fleeting too. So, what am I trying to say here? Clarity=present. Comfort=past. 

Maybe if you can find clarity in your past, you can find comfort in your present?

I'm hungry - planning on pancakes for sunday morning treats. 

x